In 2019, I was taking my second round of Lora O’Brien‘s Meeting The Morrigan intensive. It’s a six month class, offered once a year and “intensive” is an understatement. I knew it would be, well, intense… but I had no idea how much trauma I would have to face and overcome during the class.
As part of our weekly assignments, we uploaded video check-ins to a private Facebook group for class members. I’m going to let those videos (highly edited to exclude things that pertain to coursework and to cut down on length) tell the story. You’ll see me describe traumatic events as they happened, and how The Morrigan helped me through them.
CW: Verbal abuse, mention of sexual assault, lots of victim blaming… pretty much All The Trauma.
Part One: Grandma
In our first installment, I discover my 100 year old maternal grandmother, who’s been living with my parents, has been placed in a nursing home. While I’m finally able to see her again, the experience is gut wrenching and triggering.
Part Two: Back In Contact
Because of Grandma’s fluctuating mental states, I am forced to contact my mother to understand how to best deal with her. This does not go well. To keep the video from being too long, I edited out re-explanations of events I’ve already written about. If you want the full backstory, read My Sexual Assault Story, My Dad Goes Too Far, and Mom Joins The Fray.
Part Three: Boundaries Shattered
My mother calls me late at night crying, seeking comfort from me (!!!) as to the situation with Grandma. I offer a temporary truce, but this sends me into an insane meltdown. As you can see from the thumbnail, this is getting towards the absolute worst part of this crisis.
Part Four: The Morrigan Gives Strategy And Comfort
She’s not known as the comforting type, but The Morrigan does offer comfort as well. She’s much more known for being a Goddess of Strategy (she tells The Dagda how to fight the Fomorians in The Battle of Moytura). So while my mother continues to verbally abuse me and humiliate me in front of the nursing home staff, The Great Queen helps me to handle it. In this video I mention a “journey” – this is a guided meditation done once per week (at least) as part of the course to communicate with The Morrigan. Lora has a very special guided meditation technique that is safe and effective – if you’re interested she has a free introductory class available here.
Part Five: Naked In The Wind
The main reason Grandma had to go to the nursing home in the first place was that my dad had seriously injured his back picking her up when she’d fall. He had to have surgery, and this was presented as Very Serious. So finally the time came for his procedure, and at this point all of my boundaries are in shreds. I finally reached total breaking point. I was unable to record a video but posted the following in the class Facebook group:
In the second image I am referring to a live online meeting that kicked off the course in which we shared what we were expecting. I had said I knew shit was gonna go sideways, that I would be hit with something, but I trusted Her and wasn’t afraid. Yeah. Healthy fear is a good thing when dealing with a War Goddess.
Part Six: Boundaries Reset
Just when you think you can’t go on, and you reach the breaking point, you learn your lesson and apply it. This was the beginning of the climb out of this particular valley.
Part Seven: The Other Side
Don’t I look happy in this thumbnail? This was one of the final video checkins, and I shared what I’d learned through the experience. I also answer the question, why are you still here, working with The Morrigan, after all of this experience?
The experience ended with boundaries back in place – I still got updates via text when things would happen with Grandma (who is Still Going at almost 101.5 as I write this) but contact was very limited.
There were, however, some fireworks in store for 2020 as you’ll see in upcoming posts.